WASHINGTON—Urging the nation to get a head start on what they described as an inevitable decision, the Brookings Institute released a statement Tuesday encouraging Americans to start thinking about what form of government they would like to try after democracy crumbles. “We’re urging this country’s citizens to really put their heads together on how they’d like the country to be governed after the federal government ultimately implodes and leaves a massive power vacuum,” said policymaking expert James Kimberly, explaining to the country’s 330 million residents that there were some “really cool” options to consider for the post-democracy America, ranging from a constitutional monarchy to an outright banana republic. “How about a totalitarian dictatorship? Anarcho-syndicalism? Or, hey, Japan did some cool stuff with a shogun back in the day. Nothing saying we can’t have an American shogun. There’s also always complete chaos to consider, which would make a lot of sense given where we’re heading. All we’re saying is that we should get the ball rolling on this, because we don’t want to get caught with our pants down whenever Washington D.C. is left a smoldering crater.” At press time, the nation had unanimously decided that after U.S. democracy collapsed, they would pursue sharia law.
