TheList 5272

The List 5272 TGB


Good Monday Morning April 13 to all. I hope that you all had a great weekend.

Regards,

Skip



Today in Naval History

April 12

1940

USS J. Fred Talbott (DD 156) returns to the Panama Canal Zone after providing medical assistance to a passenger on board Japanese steamship SS Arimasan Maru.

1942

USS Grayling (SS 209) sinks the Japanese freighter Ryujin Maru off southest tip of Shikoku, Japan.

1944

USS Harder (SS 257) sinks the Japanese destroyer Ikazuchi, 180 miles SSW of Guam.

1952

During the Korean War, sorties launch from USS Philippine Sea (CV 47) and Boxer (CV 21) and deliver 200 tons of aircraft ordnance to the North Korean target area.

1960

The Navy's navigation satellite, Transit 1B, which demonstrates the first engine restart in space, is placed into orbit from Cape Canaveral, Florida, by Thor-Able-Star.

1981

AV-8A Harriers deploy as a Marine Air Group on board an amphibious assault ship for the first time.

1996

USS Carney (DDG 64) is commissioned at Mayport, Fla., her homeport. The destroyer is the 14th of the Arleigh Burke-class and the first to be named after Adm. Robert Carney, the Chief of Naval Operations during the Eisenhower administration.



Thanks to CHINFO

Executive Summary:

• Multiple outlets report that nearly 600 sailors from USS Theodore Roosevelt tested positive for COVID-19.

• San Diego Union-Tribune reports that two more sailors aboard USNS Mercy also tested positive.

• Reuters reported on USS Barry's Taiwan Strait transit.





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This day in world history April 13

1598 The Edict of Nantes grants political rights to French Huguenots.

1775 Lord North extends the New England Restraining Act to South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. The act forbids trade with any country other than Britain and Ireland.

1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, Union-heldFort Sumter surrenders to Confederates.

1864 Union forces under Gen. Sherman begin their devastating march through Georgia.

1902 J.C. Penny opens his first store in Kemmerer, Wyoming.

1919 British forces kill hundreds of Indian nationalists in the Amritsar Massacre.

1933 The first flight over Mount Everest is completed by Lord Clydesdale.

1941 German troops capture Belgrade, Yugoslavia.

1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt dedicates the Jefferson Memorial.

1945 Vienna falls to Soviet troops.

1960 The first navigational satellite is launched into Earth's orbit.

1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemns South Africa because of apartheid.

1964 Sidney Poitier becomes the first black individual to win an Oscar for best actor.

1970 An oxygen tank explodes on Apollo 13, preventing a planned moon landing and jeopardizing the lives of the three-man crew.

1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve begins issuing $2 bicentennial notes.

1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ends after 101 hours.



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Thanks to the Bear



From: Rolling Thunder Remembered <beartaylor@comcast. net>
Date: April 12, 2020 at 10:50:12 PM
Subject: ROLLING THUNDER REMEMBERED... When Naval Aviation Roared... Tales of the Brave and Bold... Bear Taylor

A new post is published. Check it out!

ROLLING THUNDER REMEMBERED… When Naval Aviation Roared… Tales of the Brave and Bold…

COMMEMORATING THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF THE VIETNAM WAR (1961-1973)... and honoring the intrepid Naval Aviators, Naval Flight Officers and air crews who carried the war to the heartland of North Vietnam in the years of Operation Rolling Thunder (1965-1968).... GOOD MORNING. It is Monday, 13 April 2020, and I have another...



Thanks to the Bear

ROLLING THUNDER REMEMBERED… When Naval Aviation Roared… Tales of the Brave and Bold…

April 12, 2020Bear Taylor

COMMEMORATING THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF THE VIETNAM WAR (1961-1973)… and honoring the intrepid Naval Aviators, Naval Flight Officers and air crews who carried the war to the heartland of North Vietnam in the years of Operation Rolling Thunder (1965-1968)….

GOOD MORNING. It is Monday, 13 April 2020, and I have another Yankee Air Pirate tale to tell. But first, a remembrance from this week 50-years ago. The world's attention was locked on the imperiled Apollo 13 and her crew as they wrestled with the problems they had reported to mission headquarters–"Houston, we have a problem." The mission to the Moon was launched on 11 April, aborted, and the crew returned the capsule safely to earth six days later. There was another international attention-getter. On Sunday, 12 April 1967, the Soviets lost nuclear submarine K-8. Sixty-four of the crew and 4 of the 24 nuclear torpedoes on board were lost when the sub went down during salvage operations. Meanwhile, in the jungles and swamps of Southeast Asia another 100 gallant young Americans gave their lives in the fight for the future of South Vietnam. Total killed on the battlefields of SEA topped 41,750 this week…

During the week 11-17 April 1970 five fixed wing aircraft were lost in the war and five aviators were killed in action. They are remembered here: 1LT JAN H. NELSON, USMC; MAJOR RICHARD LEE AYERS and CAPTAIN ROBERT ERNEST RAUSCH, USAF; and MAJOR LOEL F. REXROAD and 1LT ROBERT W. SMITH, USAF. Remembrances for every one of the 58,400 bravehearts who fell in the Vietnam War may be left at their respective sites at VIETNAM VETERANS MEMORIAL FOUNDATION, Wall of Faces… Additional information on these losses at:

https://www.vietnamairlosses.com



WHEN NAVAL AVIATION ROARED… Episode #2…

USS BON HOMME RICHARD (CVA-31) and CVW-21 Strike on two bridges at Hai Duong on 1 JULY 1967…

BONNIE DICK and CVW-21 were on their third Vietnam war deployment to Yankee Station to participate in Operation Rolling Thunder operations. They departed Alameda Naval Air Station in Oakland, California on 26 January 1967 and returned on 25 August 1967. They logged 121 days in combat operating from Yankee Station and would be awarded the Presidential Unit Citation for their sustained performance in carrying the war to North Vietnam. In the process the Air Wing would lose 21 aircraft in combat. Three pilots were killed or listed as missing in action and ten others were captured and imprisoned as POWs. Three POWs perished in captivity. In addition, five lives were lost in operational accidents. Air Wing pilots bagged nine MiGs on the cruise. During the summer of 1967 BONNIE DICK and her Air Wing were flying three Rolling Thunder strikes per day in addition to several Armed Reconnaissance and Photo Reconnaissance missions. This is the story of one of those ROLLING THUNDER Alpha strikes…

THE MISSION. On 1 July 1967, COMMANDER MARVIN QUAID, CO, VA-212, led a four aircraft (A-4Fs) against the railroad bypass bridges located at Hai Duong, North Vietnam. The two bridges are located 19 miles west of Haiphong and about 20 miles east of Hanoi. The area is a highly defended zone and an important link in the rail line between the port city of Haiphong and the capital city of Hanoi.

THE DEFENSES. The two bridges are protected by numerous active enemy 37mm, 57mm and 85mm antiaircraft gun sites, including several controlled by radar. There are also 12 active Surface-to-Air missile sites within range of the targets of this mission. MiG bases east, north and west are within five minutes flying time from the Hai Duong target complex.

PLANNING. The weapons of choice for this mission were AGM-62 WALLEYEs, which were introduced to the war in the summer of 1967 by the Rampant Raiders of Attack Squadron 212. The WALLEYE was a "precision guided" launch-and-leave smart-bomb that could be guided via a television assisted guidance system. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AGMK-62_Walleye Employment of the weapon required careful planning in order to create the dark-light contrasts required for lockon. For this mission, COMMANDER QUAID and his three delivery pilot wingmen carefully studied the two targets to take advantage of the sun angles and shadows for pin-point aiming and lock-on of the WALLEYEs, as well as the most vulnerable features of the two bridges. COMMANDER QUAID and his wingman, LCDR STEVEN R. BRIGGS, were to attack the northernmost of the two bridges on a northerly attack heading. LCDR MICHAEL C. CATER and his wingman, LCDR RICHARD S. THOMAS, were to attack the southernmost bridge on a northeasterly heading. The exact separation point for the two sections, the rollin points, dive headings and angles were calculated and plotted in detail. The flight briefed extensively on the procedures and contigencies for the mission into the heart of the heavily defended Red River Valley.

EXECUTION. The flight, a division of VA-212, AGM-62 carrying A-4F Skyhawks, launched, rendezvoused and proceeded to feet-dry between Thanh Hoa and Haiphong. The flight over the delta region was flown without visible opposition. When within range of the 85mm antiaircraft guns near the target the four Skyhawks were subjected to intense and accurate radar directed fire. Jinking clear of the enemy opposition the flight separated into two sections exactly as planned and both section leaders maneuvered to the planned rollin point from which to make their attacks. Despite the increasing opposition that now included 57mm and 37mm antiaircraft fire the four RAMPANT RAIDERS commenced their attacks simultaneously. The relatively small size of the two by-pass bridge targets required that the wepaons be carried down almost to minimum slant range in order to insure hits in the desired vulnerable locations on the two bridges. Satisfied that their respective lockons were as desired, they released their weapons nearly simultaneously and recovered from their gliding attacks. On pullout LCDR BRIGG's aircraft was struck in the canopy by AAA shrapnel. He reported he had been hit. On joinup with COMMANDER QUAID it was discovered that his aircraft had also been damaged by AAA. All four aircraft returned to BONNIE DICK and made uneventful OK-2 landings…

POST-FLIGHT. BDA photography revealed the southern bypass bridge suffered one span destroyed and the northern bypass bridge had two spans rendered unserviceable by the coordinated AGM-62 attack.



BITS OF RIBBON. All four warriors were recommended for awards–bits of ribbon–for this mission into an extremely heavily defended area. The award submission included this description of their combat action. "The courage, devotion to duty and expert airmanship of these officers was responsible for the successful interdiction of this vital railroad line. Their calm determination in the face of such strong enemy defenses and their perserverance in pressing home their attacks ensured the success of this important mission. Their actions were at all times in keeping with the highest traditions of the United States Naval Service."… At the time, COMMANDER MARV QUAID had already been awarded the Air Medal (12 awards and a Navy Commendation Medal with VALOR device. In addition, he had been recommended for the Navy Cross, Silver Star, DFC, Air Medal (13th award) and a 2nd NCM. LCDR MIKE CATER had already been awarded the DFC, Air Medal (11th award), and two NCMs with Vs. In addition, he had been recommended for awards of the Navy Cross, Silver Star, DFCs 2 and 3, Air Medal 12 and 13, and four additional awards of the NCM with combat V. LCDR DICK THOMAS was on his first combat tour and had received five awards of the Air Medal and was awaiting approval of the Silver Star, two DFCs, a 6th Air Medal and six awards of the NCM with combat V. LT STEVE BRIGGSs had recieved the DFC, eighteen Air Medals, an NCM wV, and the Air Gallantry Medal (SVN) with Bronze Star. He was awaiting approval of a 2nd DFC, 19th AM and three more NCMs with combat V. And the cruise had two long line periods at Yankee Station to go…



RAMPANT RAIDER by Stephen R. Gray. Get it and read it. ENSIGN STEVE GRAY was not only the junior pilot in CARRIER AIR WING TWENTY-ONE, he was the youngest. He spent a lot of time flying wing and learning from the leathered leaders of VA-212. He learned his trade from some of the best, and he took a lot of notes while he was under fire. His extraordinary journal is the meat of his 2007 Naval Insititute Press book RAMPANT RAIDER: An A-4 Skyhawk Pilot in Vietnam. Steve Gray is a great writer. To make the point, Humble Host posts a few paragraphs from his telling of an April 1967 flak suppression mission supporting a VA-212 Walleye attack on the Thanh Hoa Bridge…. I quote from pages 204-206 of his book. …

"The Walleye operational evaluation strikes were going well, and the testing program was almost completed. The data link recordings of the Walleyes flying unerringly into their targets were enthralling. The weapon's starshaped warhead had been predicted to be very effective in cutting steel support girders on bridges, and the tests had so far borne this out. Walleyes had taken down several bridges, and the weapon was proving itself to be a very potent addition to our arsenal. The skipper (COMMANDER HOMER SMITH) decided to use the first purely operational weapons against the most famous bridge in North Vietnam, the Thanh Hoa Bridge….

"In many ways this alpha strike was similar to the Thanh Hoa power plant strike we had made several days earlier except there were many more flak suppressors. I was in my usual position as number two in the lead flak suppression element of six A-4s. My target was a hard-riveted 37-mm gun site containing six guns that was south of the bridge and a little east of the road. We had recent photographs showing which gun sites were occupied, and my site was relatively easy to spot. I had six CBU bombs, three on each TER, slung under my wings.

"The flak suppressors broke away from the Walleye group (led by COMMANDER SMITH) and began our run-in to the pop-up point. We were at thirty-five hundred feet, and I could see the outline of the Thanh Whore Bridge up ahead as we crossed the coast and armed our switches. Heart pounding and mouth dry, I could see the bridge clearly as we arced up and over the bombing altitude. The lead pilot split off to begin his attack on his flak site, and I frantically scanned the area south of the bridge for my target. There! There it is, I thought as the first muzzle flashes from the guns outlined the site. The target was directly ahead of me at twelve o'clock, so I had to execute a roll-ahead maneuver, rolling upside down with the nose high and pulling the nose down until the target touched the top of the canopy bow, then rolling upright and finding the target in the gunsight. The site was winking with muzzle flashes as the guns poured out rapid fire. The flak gunners could figure out an attacker's intent just as soon as the airplane's nose aimed at them in the dive. At that point it became a them or you situation and they would shift fire to concentrate on the incoming plane. The easiest moving target to shoot at is a no-deflection shot. All the gunners have to do is aim straight at the diving airplane. The flashes seemed to grow and merged into one continuous flicker as I got closer. White streaks of tracer flashed through the gun sight, and I could hear a staccato pop, pop, pop even through my helmet as the shock wave from near-miss bullets struck the canopy.

"On reaching release altitude, I punched the bomb pickle and felt the plane jump as the bombs came off the wings. I jammed the stick back and rolled hard left as soon as the nose came above the horizon, then hard right for a few seconds, then hard left again to try to destroy their tracking. Rolling left, I looked back to see my hits. I had missed seeing the bomblets explode, but little puffs of smoke and dust dotted the flak site, and the guns were silent. I never saw a flak site keep shooting after a CBU attack.

"I was streaking for the safety of the Gulf to rejoin the other flak suppressors when an ear-piercing, drawn out, gurgling scream lanced through my headset. Jesus! I thought. Somebody caught one in the throat and is dying over the air. So chilling was that sound that I almost pissed my pants. The memory of the scream and the certainty that somebody had died lasted until the debriefing when the screamer was revealed to be none other than the skipper, COMMANDER SMITH, venting his rage and frustration at the Thanh Whore Bri out.

Idge. The three Walleyes had struck almost simultaneously in the exact spots he had designated, but the bridge remained standing. Three black smudges on the girders showed where the Walleyes had hit. The good news was that everyone had once again made it safely back to the ship.

"Charles Schultz's famous Peanuts cartoon character Snoopy was very popular at the time, and the next day a cartoon showing Snoopy flying his bullet-riddled doghouse away from the Thanh Hoa Bridge was hanging in the ready room. Snoopy was shaking his fist at the bridge, and the word balloon read, 'ARRRG, if there's ever one thing I hate more than a kite eating tree, it's a Walleye eating bridge!'"… End quote from RAMPANT RAIDER by Steve Gray, Attack Pilot… Thanks, Steve…

COMMANDER HOMER SMITH, CO of the Rampant Raiders, and leader of the squadron's Walleye Team —The Succulent Six— was forced to eject over North Vietnam on 20 May 1967–his 200th Rolling Thunder mission–while leading an Alpha strike on the Bac Giang thermal power plant about 25 miles northeast of Hanoi. He was captured and tortured to death by his North Vietnamese captors on 21 May 1967. His remains were returned to the United States coincident with the homecoming of the POWs in March 1973. He rests in peace at the United States Naval Academy Cemetery, glory gained, duty done. COMMANDER MARV QUAID succeeded COMMANDER SMITH as Rampant Raider ONE…



HUMBLE HOST END NOTE. The nation's reaction to the Wuhan Virus is a lockdown in place. Old warhorses may be staying out of sight and the breath of all fellow Americans indefinitely since old age is a factor in survival. For the long haul, here's a good substitute for whatever else you had on your bucket list (like a cruise?)– a ROLLING THUNDER Reading List. Here are a few I have thoroughly enjoyed, in no special order…

Stephen Coonts FLIGHT OF THE INTRUDER. Then go for the whole set of all ten of his Jake Grafton novels. I saw a set of eight of them on Amazon for as little as $35. Or you can go for the "like new" set of 8 at $1,000.

Stephen R. Gray's RAMPANT RAIDER: An A-4 Skyhawk Pilot in Vietnam… Belongs in every Vietnam warrior's library… You can find a signed first edition on line for about $50… I'll race you for it…

Stephen Coonts and Barrett Tillman's DRAGON'S JAW: An Epic Story of Courage and Tenacity in Vietnam… A good read well written by an incomparable combination of writers of Naval Aviation history and fiction… Lot's of copies on line… Ten bucks for a used copy… (but is it bugged by the Chinese Virus? Thin spray of Clorox seeded water will counter that)…

Denny Wisely's GREEN INK: Memoirs of a Fighter Pilot… While you wait for mail delivery of other books, get this on Kindle and get started on your quest for adventure, tailhooker style here…

Jeffery L. Levinson's ALPHA STRIKE VIETNAM: Navy's Air War, 1964-73…Jeff includes the verbatim testimony of 23 Yankee Air Pirates to tell his story… You can find this on the used book lists for as little as $2 and it is as fun to read as any on this short list… lot's of Light Attack: Jeff wrote for the Lemoore newspaper… Big on ROLLING THUNDER, light on LINEBACKER…

John B. Nicolls' and Barrett Tillman's ON YANKEE STATION: The Naval Air War over Vietnam…Gets better with time…Copies available on line for less than $5… been around for more than 32 years…

Zalin Grant's OVER THE BEACH: The Air War in Vietnam… For the fiction change of pace… Lot's of copies at abebooks.com, cheap… been around for 34 years…

Peter Fey's BLOODY SIXTEEN: The USS Oriskany and Air Wing 16 During the Vietnam War… Great story of how to live and operate under heavy clouds of misfortune and come out fighting… good inspiration for the dreadful situation the epic coronavirus has imposed on our beloved country… fight on… This great story, well told, is available on Kindle for $16.99… Great place to start your marathon absorption of the Rolling Thunder story while we wait in our caves for a Wuhan Virus vaccine…

Next Post: Monday 20 April 2020. Naval Aviation Roars: Episode 3… USS INTREPID and ATTACK CARRIER AIR WING TEN go bridge killing near Thanh Hoa on 8 November 1967…

Lest we Forget… Bear



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April 12, 1930

Capt. Hugh M. Elmendorf guided a flight of 19 Boeing P-19 fighters, 95th Pursuit Squadron, at Mather Field, California. The aircraft climbed in formation to 30,000 feet, a new altitude record. Elmendorf was a second lieutenant and infantry instructor in World War I. He transferred to the Army Air Service in early 1921 where he received his Pursuit Pilot rating on Dec. 7, 1921. He is the namesake of Elmendorf AFB, now known as Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson.



April 13, 1915

Lieutenants Thomas D. Milling, Daedalian Founder Member #133, and B.Q. Jones, Founder Member #1398, are detached from the 1st Aero Squadron and ordered to deploy along the Mexican border with a single airplane to find the location of bandit leader Francisco "Pancho" Villa.



April 14, 1918

Over the Toul Airdrome in France, Lieutenants Alan F. Winslow, Daedalian Founder Member #1602, and Douglas Campbell, Founder Member #1825, of the 94th Squadron are the first army combat pilots to shoot down German aircraft; they are flying French-built Nieuport 28s.



April 15, 1935

Passage of the Aviation Cadet Act created the grade of Aviation Cadet in the Navy and Marine Corps Reserves. The act set up a new program for pilot training in which qualified college graduates between the ages of 18 and 28 were to be eligible for one year of flight instruction, benefits of pay, and uniform gratuities and insurance. Following three additional years on active duty they were to be commissioned as ensigns or second lieutenants, paid a bonus of $1,500, and returned to inactive duty as members of the Reserves. The program provided many of the aviators who manned cockpits during WWII. Learn more HERE.



April 16, 1915

Lt. j.g. Patrick N. L. Bellinger, Daedalian Founder Member #2101, successfully catapulted from a coal barge in flying boat AB-2 at Pensacola, Florida. Assistant Naval Constructor Lt. Holden C. Richardson, Founder Member #13115, had designed and fabricated the device at the Washington Navy Yard, D.C., in 1913. The success of this and subsequent launches by Lt. Kenneth Whiting, Founder Member #13986; Lt. j.g. Richard C. Saufley, Founder Member #13307; and Ens. Clarence K. Bronson, Founder Member #4461; led to the installation of catapults on board ships.



April 17, 1956

Lockheed unveiled its F-104A Starfighter, 55-2956, at Palmdale, California. Gen. Otto P. Weyland, who was a Daedalian, observed: "This is much more than just another fighter, it is a significant and tremendous step forward in our progress in supersonic flight."



April 18, 1942

The Doolittle Raid struck Japan. Lt. Col. James H. Doolittle, USAAF, led the B-25B Mitchell crews of the Army's 17th Bombardment Group. It was the first air operation to strike the Japanese archipelago. It demonstrated that the Japanese mainland was vulnerable to American air attack, served as retaliation for the attack on Pearl Harbor, and provided an important boost to American morale. Doolittle was Daedalian Founder Member #107.



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Thanks to Micro

Coronavirus Levity Again.....

Tomorrow is the National Home school Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You're welcome!

I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

You think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers…

This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

Since we can't eat out, now's the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We're quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, "See? This is why I chew the furniture!"

Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

I never thought the comment "I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6 foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!

Me: Alexa what's the weather this weekend?

Alexa: It doesn't matter – you're not going anywhere.

Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can't follow directions.

I swear my fridge just said "what the hell do you want now?"

When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?

Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.



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Thanks to Shadow

Folks, I've been telling you… ain't no dumb Chinese eatin' bats… this chit came out of a lab!



Shadow

Click below for full article


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8211291/U-S-government-gave-3-7million-grant-Wuhan-lab-experimented-coronavirus-source-bats.html

U.S. government gave $3.7million grant to Wuhan lab that experimented on coronavirus source bats



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Thanks to Al

Monday Morning Humor--Coping with our Situation



If you are getting 'cabin fever' in these days, try these…



Submitted by Don Mills:

Visit 20 amazing places without leaving your home. Enjoy at https://www.travelzoo.com/blog/20-amazing-places-you-can-visit-without-leaving-home/



Submitted by Carl Mentzer:

A tour of the USAF Museum at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4wLr8_Kaw4





And now some wonderful and uplifting music…



Submitted by Mark Logan:

Another beautiful song by a virtual choir at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDIJz6zzHNU&feature=youtu.be



Submitted by Mike Ryan, Don Mills, and Jayne Lamoreaux:

"You've Got a Friend in Me" at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukD8zj6ngVY



Andrea Bocelli from Duomo di Milano at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huTUOek4LgU





And now for some humor…



ALERT: If you get an email with the subject "Ding Dong" don't open it, it's Jehovah Witnesses working from home.



CRITICAL ADVISORY: 8:00 PM is now the official time to remove your day pajamas and to put your night pajamas on.





Some Thoughts about Staying Home

Now would probably be a good time to re pave the roads.

COVID 19 has grocery shelves looking like Cincinnati Bengals trophy cases.

Just read that tonight's Powerball is up to 275 rolls of Angel Soft toilet paper!

Many parents are about to discover the teacher was not the problem!

Three hours into homeschooling and one is suspended for skipping class and the other one has already been expelled.

Homeschool day 1: Wondering how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

Don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about the coronavirus, he never catches anything! The truth is, it's not so boring at home. But it's interesting that one bag of rice has 7,456 grains and another has 7,489.

I've eaten 22 times and taken 13 naps and it's still today!

Found out there are some really interesting movies I have never seen on Turner Classic Movies!





Submitted by Mike Ryan:

At 7:45 am today at a grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the third time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."





Submitted by Mark Logan:

In this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked through our house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!



My cell phone is so full of information on this virus, it doesn't vibrate anymore, it coughs!



New ad: 'Like a good neighbor…stay over there.'

Day 12 without sports, watching birds fight over worms. Cardinals 3—Blue Jays 1

If they shut schools for too long, mothers are going to find a solution for the virus before all scientists.

Your cat is thinking: 'Why are the annoying servants staying in my home all day now?

Another new ad: "What are you wearing Jake from State Farm?...Ummmm, a hazmat suit"

I love Texans because they're all freaking out about the virus but have never hesitated to buy tamales out of the back of a car.

This virus must be wrecking India. I haven't got one phone call in 10 days about my extended car warranty.

We thought we'd have flying cars by 2020. But no, here we are teaching people how to wash their hands.

This is it. The day your dogs have all been waiting for. The day they realize their owners can't leave the house and they get you 24/7! Dogs are rejoicing everywhere. Cats are contemplating suicide.





Submitted by Dave Harris:

More Bad News from China
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If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.



Toilet paper alternative: Spray PAM between the cheeks abd the poop won't stick. Don't ask how I know this.

I've noticed a lot of you aren't posting selfies anymore since the beauty salons have closed.

Every few days it would be smart to put your jeans on to make sure they still fit. Pajamas and sweats will have you believe all is well.

I used to spin that toilet paper roll like I was on the Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

The man on the news said at the end of the day, what's going to keep you safe is common sense. Some of y'all in trouble.

For those weddings that have been cancelled you were given a second chance to rethink it.

First time in history that we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let's not screw this up!

To the people who are buying 30 bottles of hand soap leaving the supermarket shelves bare, you do realize to stop the spread of a virus you need other people to wash their hands too.

We should see a decline in home invasions. Everyone is home with guns and enough bleach and paper towels to clean up the scene.

Tabasco hand sanitizer…Not only does it kill germs, it also prevents you from sticking your fingers in your eyes, nose, and mouth (and other places) a second time.





Submitted by John Hudson:

Wow… bars, clubs and gyms all closed. My life is about to be exactly the same!

Hey creative community! Just a reminder that Shakespeare was quarantined for the plague when he wrote King Lear. No pressure!!!

Also highly contagious is kindness, patience, love, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude. Don't wait to catch it from others…be the carrier!

Definition of irony: gas under two dollars a gallon and no place to go.

Home schooling going well – two students suspended for fighting, one teacher fired for drinking on the job!

Maybe now society will realize we can make it without celebrities and professional sports… but we can't make it without farmers and ranchers!

Your grandparents were called to war. You're being called to sit on your couch. You can do this!!

With March and April cancelled, the next holiday is Cinco De Mayo--sponsored by Corona.

Stay inside, isolate or practice social distancing, clean yourself…oh my, I've become a housecat!

September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.

Since everyone has started washing their hands like we're supposed to, we'll be working on shapes and colors next week.

I'd hate to see a diarrhea virus breakout right now… people are going to buy all the nose spray!

Pro tip: If you get pulled over, just start coughing.

That moment when you're worried about the elderly and realize that you are the elderly...

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.





More internet fun



Submitted by Peter and Melanie Doolick:

Les Miz One Day More at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf4XxnL4lPk



Submitted by Mark Logan:

Coronavirus Rhapsody at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Eo9M4-BrJA

The Beatles sing "I've Gotta Wash My Hands" at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-I



Submitted by Dave Garcia:

Toilet paper theft at Home Depot at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGVqcFm_yJA



Submitted by Colleen Grosso and Bob King:

Day 6 of Quarantine at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKUpep0ozFM



Submitted by Al Anderson:

Rustic Quilted Northern Tissue at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRlBtabKRFM



Les Miz I Dreamed a Dream at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XM5hc5eJyI





Wishing you all the best,

Al