The List 6019 TGB
Good Monday Afternoon
Catching up on a lot of email
Monday Morning Humor Thanks to Al
Punday Morning Humor
Submitted by Colleen Grosso:
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music? The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: "That's the last thing I need!"
Need an ark? I Noah guy.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.
You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm okay.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth, and he got hell.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!
Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"Dad: "No sun."
Smith family members were proud. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators, pastors and the smartest Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history. To do this, they hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair.
But the author said not to worry. He could handle that tactfully.
When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. They found a picture of George, standing in front of a wire fence. They read: George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a shock.
A geneticist wanted to be the first person to clone a human. He couldnʼt find a volunteer, so he cloned himself. His efforts were successful, and he was asked to address a conference.
When he began to speak, his clone started swearing.
Frustrated, the scientist pushed the clone out a window. The clone fell to his death.
The police arrested the scientist. He was charged with making an obscene clone fall.
A maiden was renowned throughout the kingdom for her beauty.
One day, the queen learned of her. Being envious, she threw the maiden into the dungeon. And the queen made her wear an ugly, ugly dress.
Every day, she saw knights riding past. She called for help, but they were repulsed by the dress.
Eventually, she realized no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress.
A Buddhist monk was having terrible dental pain.
He went to the dentist, who said a root canal was necessary. The monk agreed, but he refused Novocain.
The dentist explained that it would be a painful procedure.
Again, the monk refused. He said he wanted to transcend dental medication!
Submitted by Holly Vanderpool:
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.
Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
My friends and I have named our band 'Duvet'. It's a cover band.
I lost my girlfriend's audiobook, and now I'll never hear the end of it.
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the result was staggering.
I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're.
I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
Submitted by Mark Logan:
Apparently you can't use 'beefstew' as a password. It's not stroganoff.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours. So they decided to call it a day.
I hate telling people I'm a taxidermist. When they ask what I do everyday, I say, "Y'know stuff."
A shop assistant fought off an armed robber with his labeling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.
I wonder if glass coffins will be popular. Remains to be seen…
Did you know that if you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
People who confuse the words 'burro' and 'burrow don't know the a$$ from a hole in the ground.
I'm taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
I relabeled all the jars in my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet…but the thyme is cumin.
Have a great week,
Al
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Thanks to Brett
GUIDANCE
The Potential Outcomes of Russia's Ukraine Invasion
Feb 28, 2022
At the conclusion of the second day of Russia's invasion of Ukraine on Feb. 25, Russian troops continued their incursions in the country on multiple axes — most notably against the capital Kyiv, which will likely be surrounded and besieged over the coming days. In recent hours, Russian officials have made conflicting statements about inking a potential political settlement with Kyiv to end the conflict. But President Vladimir Putin and Foriegn Minister Sergei Lavrov have both continued to assert the current Ukrainian government is illegitimate and insist on Ukraine's "denazification and demilitarization," which is a strong signal that Moscow's ultimate goal in the country remains regime change. In the coming weeks, there are several potential courses of action that Russia could take in Ukraine, with each having its pros and cons for Moscow:
1) Russia installs a pro-Moscow government in Kyiv while its military occupies large pieces of the country.
In this scenario, Russia would seize Kyiv by force and then put pro-Russian political forces (for example, some of those that fled the country in 2014) in power, who would then change Ukraine's constitution to ensure the country's neutral status or demilitarization. This new government would sign an agreement with Moscow ensuring Russia's right to have military bases in Ukraine and secure public order. The constitutional changes would also include guarantees for the status of the Russian language in the country, as well as the federalization of Ukraine to give more power to regional governments influenced by Moscow. In this scenario, western Ukraine would likely not recognize the new government in Kyiv, triggering continued national resistance and a secessionist movement.
Drivers: This scenario is the most likely to achieve Russia's most ambitious stated goals of "demilitarization and denazification," as the installation of a pro-Moscow regime combined with the constitutional amendments would prevent Ukraine from further integrating with European and transatlantic structures in the long term.
Constraints: This outcome is also the most expensive in the long run because it would force Russia to keep a permanent military presence in the country and finance a government that would not be recognized by the international community. It would also likely result in a violent nationalist resistance movement, particularly in the section of western Ukraine excluded from the government. Moreover, this scenario would almost certainly result in the West keeping its economic sanctions against Russia in place for an indefinite period, which would progressively weaken the Russian economy. While force, intimidation and corruption could be used to maintain order in the short-to-medium term, the long-term costs and risks would be high.
2) Russia coerces a government in Kyiv to sign a deal and most of its forces leave Ukraine.
In this scenario, Russia would force a government in Kyiv (possibly with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky's government on the condition it resigns in favor of a new transitional government), to sign a deal that would constitutionally fixate Ukraine's neutral and demilitarized status, and possibly some Russian military bases in Ukraine to help guarantee the deal. Ukraine would also surrender its claims to Crimea and cede the eastern Donbas region. The government in Kyiv would also possibly agree to fixate federalization and guarantee the status of the Russian language in the constitution. Russian troops would then exit the country, leaving Ukraine in ruins and in intense political turmoil in the aftermath of the invasion.
Drivers: The scenario would enable Russia to accomplish many of its biggest goals in Ukraine regarding neutrality and other matters in the short term without having to resort to a lengthy and costly military operation and occupation. The West could also soften its sanctions against Russia over time, especially if it perceives the Ukrainian government as legitimate and Russia's military presence is kept at a minimum.
Constraints: Apart from threatening a renewed military intrusion and occupation, Russia would have few levers to ensure Ukraine sticks to the post-war agreements. This scenario would also not change the Ukrainian population's general anti-Russian political stance, which would only worsen if Moscow forces the country's government into an agreement after invading its territory. Over time, pro-Western Ukrainians could stage large anti-government protests to abolish the deals it signed with Russia as well.
3) Russia partitions Ukraine in some fashion, most likely along the Dnieper River, leaving the current Ukrainian government in control of a rump state in the west while occupying the other half.
In this scenario, Russia would recognize a large piece of eastern Ukraine (which is home to a large ethnic Russian population) as a new independent state, effectively partitioning the country into East and West Ukraine. The separatist Luhansk and Donetsk republics in Donbas would unify with this new pro-Russian eastern state, which would likely be named Novorossiya or Malorossiya (which translates to "New Russia" and "Little Russia," respectively). Russia would occupy only the area of its newly recognized government — most likely west of the Dnieper River but possibly including Kyiv, leaving the territory still under Ukrainian government control as a rump buffer state with NATO.
Drivers: Creating a relatively homogeneous state that pledges to keep close economic, political and security ties with Moscow would be significantly less costly than attempting to occupy more of Ukraine.
Constraints: But the part of Ukraine still controlled by a pro-Western government would remain the highly militarized "anti-Russia" state that Putin has sought to eliminate, maintaining the risk of additional military confrontations. Most of the international community would also not recognize the eastern Ukrainian state, forcing Russia to remain its main sponsor.
4) Russia settles for degrading Ukrainian defense and economic capabilities before withdrawing without a peace settlement.
In this scenario, unexpectedly stiff resistance from the Ukrainian population, including partisans and the remnants of the Ukrainian military, convinces Russia that establishing sufficient control over the country would be too costly in the near- and medium-term, and that reaching a peace agreement with an illegitimate and unpopular Russian-imposed government would not achieve Moscow's goals. As an alternative to an expensive occupation, Russia would effectively back off its insistence on a change of government and instead impose max destruction on Ukrainian civilian and military infrastructure, ports, airports, railways, military, factories, arms storages and military bases before withdrawing all ground troops. After killing thousands of Ukrainian servicemen and destroying much of the country's military equipment, Russia would then withdraw and threaten to repeat the operation against a weaker Ukraine should the government revert to its previous course and rearm.
Drivers: This scenario would minimize military and economic costs for Russia, but would largely be considered a success for Ukraine, for having survived the overwhelming Russian onslaught without having its territory (other than the breakaway Donbas republics) further occupied or partitioned. The main benefit for Russia in this scenario is that it would probably trigger a slow process of lifting some of the harshest sanctions from the West.
Constraints: The failure to secure changes to Ukraine's constitution would mean that Russia's fundamental goals regarding the country's neutrality and demilitarized status would remain unfulfilled, with Russia conceivably having to resort to a similar operation again several years down the road to achieve those objectives.
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Thanks to Mike
Another point of view
Hi Skip. I need to point out some errors in Rich's paragraphs on the situation in Ukraine.
On Germany, as we are all aware now, they have changed their policy, and I'm sure Rich wrote this before the change was announced:
From its own stockpile, the German government will send 1,000 anti-tank weapons and 500 Stinger anti-aircraft defense systems to Ukraine. The government has also authorized the Netherlands to send Ukraine 400 rocket-propelled grenade launchers and told Estonia it ship over send nine howitzers.
"The Russian invasion of Ukraine marks a turning point," German Chancellor Olaf Scholz said in a statement. "It threatens our entire post-war order. In this situation, it is our duty to do our utmost to support Ukraine in defending itself against Vladimir Putin's invading army. Germany stands closely by Ukraine's side."
On Rich's statement, "How do we know that Biden is a Russian asset? Well, here is one way. He closed the Keystone Pipeline, which provided the US with 850,000 barrels of high grade, clean oil a day. And lots of jobs, and other economic benefits for America. Now, we are buying, yes, even in the midst of the war, 850,000 barrels of oil, low grade and dirty, from Russia every day. And, the jobs and money go to Russia, not the US. Biden will not even consider reversing that decision. But, he did just restrict sales of natural gas to Europe - who must get it from Russia. Hard for these folks to 'stand up for our democracy' when their throats are choked with Russian oil. Just like they were back in the 1970's, when the Arabs cut off oil supplies to the US."
First correction: The Keystone Pipeline is still operating. There are four active phases, 1,2, 3A and 3B. Phase 1 goes from Alberta, Canada to Steele City, Nebraska. What was cancelled was Phase 4, typically referred to as "Keystone XL" It would have cut off a dog leg on Phase 1, running through north-cedntral Nebraska, which was highly controversial in Nebraska.
Second correction: The oil from Canada is not "high grade, clean oil". It is almost all from the Canadian tar sands, and is very low grade. It is difficult to extract. I have no idea on the quality of oil from Russia.
"Tar sands (also called oil sands) are a mixture of sand, clay, water, and bitumen.[1] Bitumen is a thick, sticky, black oil that can form naturally in a variety of ways, usually when lighter oil is degraded by bacteria.[2] Bitumen has long been used in waterproofing materials for buildings, and is most familiar today as the binding agent in road asphalt. However, most of the bitumen produced from tar sands is refined and mixed with lighter oils to produce synthetic crude oil that can be further refined and used in much the same way as typical crude oil." (Source: https://www.americangeosciences.org/critical-issues/faq/what-are-tar-sands"
Third Correction: Canada and Russia oil imports of 850,000 barrels a day. For the last 12-month data available (December 2020 through November 2021, Canada imports averaged 131,138 barrels a day, Russia only 20,460 barrels a day. Here's the source for these numbers (U.S. Energy Administration):
Forth Correction: "…he (Biden) just did restrict sales of natural gas to Europe...". I have not seen, nor can I find, any reference to the United States restricting LNG exports. Here's a comment from the government from last week:
"U.S. LNG exports are a crucial part of stabilizing Europe's gas market. According to Andrew Light of the U.S. Department of Energy, as of last week, 60 cargoes of U.S. LNG had reached Europe in 2022 or were on the way, making up about half of the extra LNG supplied to Europe during this difficult time." (Source: https://www.brookings.edu/blog/order-from-chaos/2022/02/18/now-is-not-the-time-to-limit-u-s-natural-gas-exports/#:~:text=U.S.%20LNG%20exports%20are%20a,Europe%20during%20this%20difficult%20time.)
Mike
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Thanks to Barrel
This should put to bed the mask BS
Two Marines tests the masks, it's 13 min long but worth it from a pure entertainment point.
Once a Marine always a Marine. The USA couldn't have done this test 2 years ago?
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Thanks To YP
FAR FROM PENZANCE
Me ugly mug is got its scar,
Yankee Air Pi-Rate, I are, I are
I lives me life for pillage and rape
and fermented juices of cane and grape
I drinks me grog from a Mason fruit jar
And leer and sneer and growls me "Arrrrrrr!"
I've grappled the mail buoy from off larboard bow
Scanned for the sea bat due any time now
Heard horrible screaming of the frabberized Ho
when offered two dollah in Old 'Longapo
Bombed Gomer's rice barges in the middle of night
when I lighted them up with para flare light
But now I'm a Landsman and off growing goats
No paddles up shit creek, not even no boats
Nor yet any water, nor even a stream
But I reckon I reckon a Pi-Rate can dream....
YP
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Thanks to Tom
View the Latest Edition of "This Week @NASA" (published Feb. 18, 2022)
Folks-
Quick notes this week….very busy….but always time to share TWAN….
This month marks 1 year since the last Mars lander was successfully deployed. That is always a noteworthy thing to recall….we won't be there for another 25 years (unless Elon pulls a rabbit out of the hat!) but its great science to get data on the red marble, named after the Roman God of War.
Looking through the "eyes" of IXPE – complete with artificial colorization for human eyes to consume, we see some spectacular images. These are things like supernova stars and the like. I just read where in 4.2 billion years the Milky Way is going to be sucked into the Andromeda Galaxy and there will be super SUPERnova event. I doubt we will be around to see it…
I have to go against the grain on the last item: Sea-level 2050. NO WAY! We have NO data from 100, 500, 5,000,50,000 or 500,000 years ago …so WHO (logic prevailing, NOT emotion!!) could honestly say the sea levels do not rise and fall as a part of the cooling of the earth, the movement of the tectonic plates (continent masses) and solar cycles???? CRICKETS! More alarmist hysteria. You have to ask how the great cultures of Babylon, Sumer, Assyria, and all the rest are NOW in a freaking desert and back less than 10,000 years ago, it was NOT a desert! No one really can (or wants to!) explain this. we are passengers on the green and blue marble. We need to not mess it up, and the quickest way to mess it up is to do stupid things like chase our tail.
Some news worthy of sharing below – YOU be the judge of what is going on….a real thought exercise!!
Enjoy!
Tom
ARTEMIS News:
Webb Status:
Food for Thought:
AGENCYWIDE MESSAGE TO ALL NASA EMPLOYEES
Points of Contact: Brittany Brown, brittany.a.brown@nasa.gov and Andre Valentine, andre.valentine-1@nasa.gov, Office of Communications, NASA Headquarters
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View the Latest Edition of "This Week @NASA" (published Feb. 18, 2022)
View the latest "This Week @NASA," produced by NASA Television, for features on agency news and activities. Stories in this program include:
The Next Commercial Cargo Mission to the Space Station
Russian Spacecraft Delivers Cargo to Space Station
Perseverance Marks One Year on Mars
IXPE Sends First Science Image
New Sea Level Rise Projections for U.S. Communities
To watch this episode, click on the image below:
Watch the Video
To access this edition of "This Week @NASA," you may also visit:
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This notice is being sent agencywide to all employees by NASA INC in the Office of Communications at NASA Headquarters.
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